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Hi Readers,

Planning to move to http://cosmopolitancurry.weebly.com  It gives more space, flexibility and also allows me to customize the layout of my posts....so check it out and let me know what you think!!

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With Love
Cosmopolitan Curry Author!

I don't succumb...

It is strange how if you buy flowers, they don’t stay with you even till the next day! There is the attempt to provide them water and minerals – you can put salt in the water, keep them in sunlight, but they fail to prosper. The freshness in them is lost with time….

Sometimes I wonder if we are like flowers. Starting out with ecstatic smiles in childhood, why do they wither away with age? As you grow up, you find yourself engulfed in the idiosyncrasies of life, being slowly torn apart from the simple ecstasies which existed. And strangely, we tend to build the same past environment we have always known. The meaning of joy changes; some look for the reflection of luxury, while some feast on the comforts of a family, and some just materialize their worlds as if there is no tomorrow.

I am a perfect example of the flowers you keep - maybe on your desk, or that window sill, or in your hallway. I started out happy - nice job, nice house, an energetic outlook and a positive viewpoint.

All until I came across Sushma. She was the apple of everyone’s eye in office. They looked up-to her as she could get any work done; yes ‘any’ work. I was mesmerized when I first saw her. Envied looks, a perfect body, perfect sense of dressing which left you wondering if she had inherited Princess Diana’s closet!

You could never miss her cheerful “good morning” and her bright smile. How I wished I was so bright and bubbly. She engaged into instant conversations.

“Rody, how is your dog now. Did that Vet help whose number I gave you?” “Oh Seema, you look glowing today, I am sure you are getting a lot of proposals lately?” How did she manage the upkeep of so much data? I could not even keep my daily appointments!

My Manager was not far behind in mentioning her. “Have you seen Sushma today? What a fantastic presentation she made.” “She has great PR skills you know. She even helps our sales department. What an all rounder!” You could not miss it even if you were eating lunch. “She helped me fix the flower arrangement. She has great taste.” “She even suggested a good plumber to me.” What a multi talented persona I was around!

My first presentation in my office was due that day. I had fixed up the slides, but could not manage the sales data. I thought Sushma would be the perfect one to ask for help. I would introduce myself to her, maybe she would even know my name. I went up to her cubicle. She was having a rather flamed conversation on the phone. So I turned around and waited. After five minutes she looked at me, “Nice to finally meet you. I have heard so much about you. You have a facebook account? Hey, this is my number, what is yours.” She was very sudden for me, but I managed.

I described my situation to her and asked for her help. “You know dear, I will instantly talk to the folks in the sales team and fix up the data for you.” I was overjoyed and ready to take on the world. I came back and waited for her email. Four hours passed. I called her but I got a busy tone. I sent her reminders, but no response. I even went to her cubicle but she was busy talking to someone. She gestured that she would send the data in five minutes. I came back and waited.

“What is taking you so long. Come to the meeting room.” I trailed my manager to the conference room. I still had my inbox open, but no mails. What was I going to do? Suddenly, in walked Sushma with her laptop. I smiled at her and she smiled back. It was going to be a great one!

I started slowly but picked up pace. “Why don’t you have any sales data to back up your idea?” “I have it, I will share with you just now.” I looked at Sushma, but she looked away. I didn’t know what to make of the silence. “Sorry, we cannot absorb this idea without relevant statistics.” I kept looking at Sushma, my eyes pleading, but she did not budge. Then Sushma said, “I don’t quite agree with the presented idea. With your permission, I will show you the pitfalls and the sales data.” What? This could not happen. She was the ideal woman- kind-hearted and helpful. What was happening?

Her presentation confirmed my shocks. She had taken the slides I had mailed her and highlighted the negative aspects by making cross-references. She had bullied and ridiculed my ideas and I could not say anything. I felt like the world was crashing on me and it was all my fault. When it ended, people applauded and left. Noone even noticed I was standing right there!

I took a tissue and rushed to the restroom. The day had been devastating. I wondered why she had the misleading public image? Had I been swooned away by the cover and failed to see the book contents? Had I missed the undertones and sarcasm in people’s voices when they praised Sushma? Was the flower arrangement “fixed”? Or was the plumber sent to repair some “damage” already been done? Had I been wrong about life altogether?

I did not want to be the plastic flower which always shone! Even if I could not retain the freshness, I was not going to let myself turn plastic. In this world of artificial projections, the hardest thing to do is maintain your integrity and I could take up challenges for sure. So even if rains the heaviest, or snows, or leaves wither away, I am going to survive....not like the flowers on your desk that blossom and fade away...but like the ones which stick on to their plants...and even if they die....leave behind the fruits to cherish!

Shh...its ok

Had been a couple of times Ma called. She was pestering me to come home. And I had the same answer yet again, “I am too busy with work”. I knew how she would have felt, but it was hard to explain how I couldn't rush home thousands of kilometers away. It had been a while since I had seen my parents. But life kept thrusting me forward and I could not really look back.

Another busy morning passed when I was checking my messages. “My dear daughter, I have a surprise for you. We are catching the very next flight to Bangalore. See you soon.” It made me furious. This means almost a week of leaves of absence, lots of sitting at home and eating fatty food and talking about the same old things. Did I have time for the chit chat sessions with obviously the same routine talk about life, marriage and career. I sighed.

Left a voice mail to my boss about the leave, sent him an email for records and set out to go to the airport. Had to clean up the house first, else Ma was going to be furious. Noted down the flight details on a post-it and rushed to catch a taxi. As I climbed into one and conveyed the destination to the driver, the sequence of talks started playing in my mind. “Look at you, you look so dull. You don’t take care of yourself at all. We have been so worried. You look so thin. Do you eat at all? I got almonds for you, have at-least 5 everyday.” Usually irritating, the thoughts brought a smile to my face.

The ringing phone alarmed me. “Where are you? The meeting just started. You have to make a presentation to the client today.” “Oh god, I completely forgot. Damn, I have taken a leave from today till a week. Can you please schedule a call for next week?” “Why couldn't you have told this earlier. This is atrocious. I will make sure I report this.” The phone clicked shut. Oh no, I had forgotten to charge my it. Damn, I was going to miss making my presentation today, which would have been the deciding factor for getting the deal signed and also my promotion. Why was I dooming my own career?

My phone beeped louder for battery and I could do nothin! How was I supposed to contact my parents? I looked for the charger in my bag, but could not find it. A lady will carry everything in her purse did not hold true with me. I was the absolution of necessity. What a fine day this was turning out to be. Everyone’s parents understood, why not mine? I had seen my friend’s parents encouraging them to work longer hours, to wear what they liked and also to let them follow their own lives. They were the so called “chilled out” ones. I for one, had to explain each outing, meeting, office environment, colleagues, roommates, late dinners and food habits. Was I ever going to be able to grow up?

The taxi jerked to a halt, and I saw three masked men standing in front of it.  I could see police cars on the road following them. Oh god, no, not this. I quickly closed the windows and locked the doors. But I guess it was too late. The driver was already being dragged out at gunpoint. One big punch and he collapsed. The bearded guy closed in on me. “Open the door”, he yelled. I sat there, frozen, not knowing what to do. Begging my mind to think. He had already slid his hand and unlocked my door. “Get out”, I was too shaken to react. He held my arm and hurled me out.

“Lets take the Princessa with us.” I could see policemen chasing them. He held me at gunpoint and squeezed it hard to my neck. “We kill her if you try to fire. Put down your guns.” The police had no other choice. I tried to break free, but the guy was too overpowering.

I slid my hand through my  bag. There has to be something. I sensed a bottle. What was in the bottle? My mind raced. Ma had given me a pepper spray to ‘tackle’ hooligans in case I encountered any. "Too many anti-social elements nowdays. This is a necessity for all girls. Keep it in your bag." "I dont have any space for it, and I always take a taxi! Dont be ridiculous Ma." But she had slipped it right in and I was noticing it today.

If I did it quickly, I could cover all of them. One man held my arm and neck and the other two behind us were guiding him. They had some full bags with them. I thought of my plan, and slowly took a deep breath.

I counted till three in my mind; I slid the spray from my bag and sprayed as hard as I could at the guy who held me. He yelled, and the other two turned to look at us. I did not waste even a second to spray at the other two. They both fell.

I leaped away from them to let the police take over, who wasted no time to nab them. Catching my breath, I just sat there on the road recollecting what had just happened to me. “Are you alright maam?” “Yes, fine, thanks.” “You need any medical help? We will take you to the hospital.” Take me? Oh, I have to go the airport. With shivering hands, I helped myself stand up. I shook my head with a no and turned around. My heel was broken. I limped to call a taxi and rushed to the airport.

As I saw them coming, my tears came too. All my emotions bundled up and flew out of me. “What happened dear, you are a mess. What happened?” But I could not say anything. I just held Ma and cried…for how long, I don’t remember. And she held me, for as long as I wished. “Lets go home.”

We reached home. She said nothing about the dirty house, or my health, my clothes or anything. She sat me down in my bed, removed my shoes, and gave me a blanket and a glass of warm milk. “Just go to sleep.” And I held her as long as I remembered, till I fell asleep. Thank god I had her. And I knew I was going to be safe with her!

Frozen Lips

I was sitting at the same old workplace doing the same old form of work. It's funny how enthusiastically we start working and then it fades away to random mundane chores.  Not every day does life give you a chance to smile; you have to find it eagerly. But it gives you a chance to sore away…so it depends on you if you give in or not!

I was casually standing at the lunch counter where they served the buffet in office. “Excuse me”, a rather arrogant voice cut through. Had I heard the voice before? Maybe not, I was not even interested. It was  my lunch hour and I sure wanted some peace of mind!

“Oh my god, is that you?” I looked up, holding my plate with some salad and curry. “I am sorry…” I began to say but stopped abruptly. Was it really him? Had it really been two years? It seemed like ages, but he had not changed a bit. “You look lovely.” I could just manage a smile. What was I supposed to say? “Come, join me for lunch. I am sitting right over there.” I wanted to say no, my friends are waiting right there, but I could not make myself say it. I had dreaded seeing him and being with him. I did not know what to say to him. Still, I joined him for lunch.

“Hey, how have you been? When did you join work here? I just joined yesterday.” “About six months”, I spoke and immediately packed my mouth with food. I could not even look at him straight. Something still hurt right there in my heart. “It is so nice to see you. I swear, this is a strange city. The people are so uptight. No one wants to talk. I am going to have a bad time adjusting here.” I swallowed what I was chewing and realized I could not eat more. “I have to go, have a meeting now.” I stood up abruptly.

“Hey, give me your number. I am going to need a lot of help around here. And it is always so nice to talk to you.” I could not smile. What was I supposed to say – “No, I don’t want to.” Or was it “I don’t remember my phone number.” Gosh, I could not say those things, they were too lame. I was taking too long to think. I had a brain freeze situation. “Here it is.” I gave him my number and almost hurried back to my desk. Was I hit with a thunderstorm or was it the Tsunami? I could not decide which was worse.

Two years ago we were having dinner in a fancy resturaunt. I was sure it was love. We had made all the promises and the customary devotional statements. Maybe twenty one was not the age. Or maybe he was not what I was expecting him to be. Not when I had found him in drunken state kissing my batch mate from college. I had never called him again. Why should I even give the respect of breaking it off?  I had decided, I was never going to see him again. That is when I moved to this city. And after all these years, had I forgotten how he broke my heart?

Why was he important anyway? I had better things in life to worry about. If I had decided he was a loser, I was going to learn to treat him like one. But there was a just a little problem – my brain freeze situation. I did not know how I was going to overcome it.

I was just taking some print outs when I heard his voice again. “Hi there, where have you been? I was looking out for you at lunch time. Let’s go for some coffee in the evening.” Was I a tissue which he could use and throw away anytime? Why was he doing this anyway? I looked at him quizzically. “Hey, I know what happened years ago, but let's put it behind us. Let us be friends. It was so childish anyway.” Yeah right, now he was going to make the rules! I did not know what to say. Friends? Would being with him not remind me of his atrocious deeds? My heart was in no mood to be gregarious and even if it was, it was not going to be this guy. “I don't think we can be friends.” “Hey, grow up yaar, what's wrong. We were in college.” “My friends are individuals with some dignity and substance. And strangely, you do not fit the post! So, no thank you.” “You are overreacting. I know you haven't been able to get over me. You still like me, don't you?” I was not going to be a tissue this time. I had had enough of him. I smiled. “I know you have never had the mind to figure out what a relationship is. Trust me; I don't want to stare at the biggest mistake of my life every day. Now if you don't mind, I have better people to see and be with!”

It felt good. Why should I settle for being amiable and politically correct? I looked around. If being polite was the norm, I was playing with the rules. But if the rules changed to frantic dishonesty sugar coated with blatant lying, I was not going to be a part of it. Why should I be apologetic about what happened? I was going to live my life exactly as I wanted to, sans the losers of course!