First Forays...

I had been toying with the idea of writing a blog for quite a long time and each time I came close to taking the plunge, couldn’t quite agree upon what the central theme of the blog would be. In the absence of one, I believed that there wouldn’t be cohesiveness in my writing and I certainly wouldn’t want my readers to feel possibly as clueless reading the blog as I feel writing it. What I needed, according to myself, was clarity of thought as opposed to a cluttered assortment of random ramblings. This internal struggle waged for quite some time before, in a spurt of signature impulsiveness, I quite literally did it. To hell with systematic, ordered thoughts, generalizations, stereotypes... I wanted this blog to be an extension of me and my chaotic, unpredictable, unbridled self. I didn’t want it to confine me or restrict me but to somehow represent me as a free spirited individual. I wanted it to be a vent, an outlet for my thoughts, dreams, aspirations, hopes, disappointments and MYSELF. My window to the world and beyond....

After creating the blog, I was plagued by another persistent uncertainty – would anyone be even interested in reading about the (hopefully interesting) ramblings of a seemingly ordinary person as myself and even worse, would I really let the opinions, however vehement or otherwise, of people reading my blog affect me when I as a person have never really given a thought to what people think of me or perceive me as. Agreed I’m not the most modest of people and being self effacing is not a virtue I can boast of (I actually don’t consider it a virtue at all!) I’m not conceited enough to think that a million people would read my blog and react to it but there’s always that feeling of extreme vulnerability for putting yourself out there emotionally to be judged. But at the same time, there is this part of me that seeks approval, which wants people to like what I write, to relate to me and to understand me. Paradoxical as it may sound, there is a small part of me, deep, deep inside which craves approval under the secure and impassive facade.

But at the end of the day, I can’t let some meaningless queries stop me from doing what I love – writing. I’ll learn to grow a thick hide and deal with the brickbats and (hopefully) the bouquets if and when they come and with that enjoy my own l’il place under the sun!